March 31, 2013 – Changes

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At some point in the coming months my wife and I will be relocating. I’m originally from Michigan and over the last seven years I’ve lived here on the east coast in either Massachusetts or Rhode Island. I met my wife a little over 3 1/2 years ago and we married shortly thereafter. She’s nearly a decade younger than I am and hasn’t lived anywhere else other than this area. When I moved away it was for a number of reasons. At the time it seemed mostly driven by wanting to expand my career and job opportunities (which it ended up doing everything but), but in hindsight I was running from a number of things.. Family.. Friends.. My past.. Myself.. Since coming here I’ve discovered who I am and in many ways found peace with a number of things. If anything, I’ve learned that I can adapt to just about ant environment. I lived in Seattle for nearly a year in my early 20’s. I’d likely still be there if the company I had gone to work for hadn’t gone under.

The place we’re going to be moving to is the city that I lived in for about 10 years before moving here. My wife is planning to attend the largest and most well-known university in that city. It will be strange to be back. It will be mostly good as well. I’ll be able to be near my father whom isn’t getting any younger. We’ve become close in spirit since my moving away. One of the things I’ll miss are the scenes like in the photo in this post. Michigan has its own natural beauty, but there’s something about the ocean and the mountains here… I don’t know if we’ll stay in Michigan indefinitely. If we have a child as planned in the next couple of years, then moving may take even more consideration than even this move. I’m more fearful of my wife having to adapt to a new place. All three times that I’ve moved across the country were difficult. The first time in ways that I simply couldn’t have conceived. Even if you want to get away from an area – even if you are fleeing, it’s not easy. I mentioned the struggle I had with relocating in practical terms. One of the main things that was difficult was that each time I’ve moved I only had my mate – I didn’t know anyone in the new place aside from whom I was with. It’s terribly isolating, especially for someone like myself who isn’t all that social to begin with. She told me that we’d be near family – which is true. My family has embraced my wife with open arms. For all of the problems here and there, they’d do anything for my wife, and likely me if I ever actually asked.

On an unrelated note I’m getting some media attention within the coming week.. Not mildly so either. It’s strange that my story is going to be known in a non-anonymous way. A separate article will also be published in the next couple of months. I don’t know what this will mean in any number of ways.. I don’t know how this will affect my job prospects. My name is very unique, so a google search will certainly deliver results that can’t be mistaken for someone else. As far as family and friends I’m not concerned. I frankly don’t have the time or energy to concern myself with negative judgements, etc.

I’ve a “health thing” going on as well. It’s too early to tell how big of a “thing” this is. My hope is that it will just remain an annoyance without any major implications. Me being me though, I hope and plan for the best, but plan for the absolute worst at well. I’m not putting my life on hold for this though.

The photo in this post is using a technique called HDR, so it will have a surreal/altered look. It was taken on the summit of Mount Washington in New Hampshire. I’ve been to the summit three times now and each time was stunning. On a clear day you can see the surrounding landscape for a distance that I can’t even estimate aside from saying it’s many, many miles. If you ever get the chance, go to this place. Go to the White Mountains. The early morning mist is amazing in its own right. There aren’t many people out before sunrise aside from other photographers and a few nature lovers. Everyone is basically doing the same thing – standing outside of their vehicles just taking in the spectacular scene. It’s a feeling like nothing else. I’ll miss this place – at least for now.

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March 28, 2013 – Released

After a long and mostly sleepless night, I’ve been cleared by the cardiologist to go home. I’ve been waiting to be discharged for a short while now. One would think that such a thing would give one pause to contemplate many things in their lives. I’ve had far worse medical moments than this and usually did give a lot of thought to how I was living my life each time. That didn’t happen this time. I’m happy with how I’m living my life and I don’t find myself dwelling on the should have and could have things that I think haunts us all at some point. My only concern right now is getting this IV out, putting on some clothes and going home to resume my plan for last night: Talk with my wife some, laugh a lot (we always laugh a lot when we talk, even when it’s serious), then cuddle up and sleep for a few hours. I spoke with her a short while ago and she may have slept less than me last night. We’re both exhausted.. And hungry.. Food needs to be a part of this somewhere between here and home. Anyway – if you are one of the people that happens to read my ramblings here, I hope today finds you well. Be good to each other – it really can all change in the blink of an eye. If you love someone – tell them. I’ve learned first-hand that you sometimes don’t get another opportunity to do so.

Waiting…

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I’ve spent far too many days and evenings over the course of the last year in examination rooms and rooms for diagnostic imaging. This visit is now over. It’s the usual story. Something shows up in a test, an appointment with a specialist is made, more tests are run… Something of significance is there, but rarely anything conclusive. This was another visit where we will treat the symptoms because we don’t fully understand all that is going on. Watch for any changes, then go back if they get worse. These little adventures in diagnostic medicine are often a result of something completely unrelated to the initial reason for the visit. I generally feel pretty well. I’m tempted to just walk away from all of this testing. If things do get worse, we can take things from there.

March 17, 2013 – Friendship

I’ve been fortunate over the last week. Very fortunate, actually. I’ve made not one, but two substantive friends. One of which I’ve made as result of blogging here, thereby making the effort here very worthwhile, the other through a friend whom I’ve not seen in over two years. I don’t believe in fate driving things, or some other spiritual or cosmic force causing things to happen. I know I’m in the minority with that notion. Regardless, I’m very happy that our paths crossed by whatever chance or forces that may be. I’m truly fortunate to have met and befriended such a diverse number of people in my life and I’ve never once thought to myself that I’ve simply too many friends. 🙂

As far as faith and spirituality, as a side note, I’m not completely firm in that stance. The older I get, the more my opinions and views change on so many things. This is but one I’ll be willing to accept if things seem to point clearly in that direction.

Anyway, I hope for the very few that follow my blog or come to find it in some way that your weekend was good. Mine has been exceptional so far. It’s a shame that my wife has to work tonight. The only sounds I hear right now is the dog lightly snoring and the breeze in the trees. Once I get a few things taken care of, I think I’ll put some music on quietly, lay down and just listen to the breeze and remember some good times spent in the woods and forests back west.

March 15, 2013 – Old photos

I don’t have many photos of me growing up, but there are a few. I seem to be smiling in a lot of them, and I even vaguely remember some of them being taken. I’m having good memories today, so I thought I’d share one. When my brothers and I were growing up we lived out in the country and had 20 acres, mostly wooded. Our neighbors weren’t all that close to us, so we were pretty well isolated from everyone else. My bothers and I were typical country kids. We loved spending time in the woods, riding ATV’s, shooting guns, fishing, campfires, looking at the stars and playing with any number of farm animals, dogs and wild cats that we had on our property. I remember that I used to put on my father’s boots and walk around outside when there was snow on the ground or when it was muddy from heavy rain. I loved the farm animals. I don’t remember this photo being taken, but I do remember playing with the chicks when they were very young as well as the new kittens when they were born. I do have some fond memories here and there, I just have to dig to get to them sometimes. 🙂

me as a kid

Random thought

I’m sleep deprived this week. As I hit the snooze button for the third time I wondered what it would be like if we were like dolphins which as I understand it, shut down one hemisphere of their brain while at rest. I know we couldn’t realistically do this because of many reasons, but that aside, would you prefer to be able to shut off your left brain or right for a few hours per day? I would. Just to be able to embrace creativity and emotion for a few hours without all of the chatter of reasoning, or shut off the left and get some things done that feelings get in the way of.. If there wasn’t a biological need for actual sleep, there may be enough hours in the day to feel like I’m not neglecting some part of my own needs or desires. It’s totally impractical for a number of reasons, but it’s a nice thought. What would you do if you could do this? What would your day look like?