March 15, 2013 – Old photos

I don’t have many photos of me growing up, but there are a few. I seem to be smiling in a lot of them, and I even vaguely remember some of them being taken. I’m having good memories today, so I thought I’d share one. When my brothers and I were growing up we lived out in the country and had 20 acres, mostly wooded. Our neighbors weren’t all that close to us, so we were pretty well isolated from everyone else. My bothers and I were typical country kids. We loved spending time in the woods, riding ATV’s, shooting guns, fishing, campfires, looking at the stars and playing with any number of farm animals, dogs and wild cats that we had on our property. I remember that I used to put on my father’s boots and walk around outside when there was snow on the ground or when it was muddy from heavy rain. I loved the farm animals. I don’t remember this photo being taken, but I do remember playing with the chicks when they were very young as well as the new kittens when they were born. I do have some fond memories here and there, I just have to dig to get to them sometimes. 🙂

me as a kid

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3 thoughts on “March 15, 2013 – Old photos”

  1. That’s funny. I really like that picture – bed head and all. You seemed so happy. I always love seeing smiling children – my own or the ones I teach. I always want to scoop them up and hug them. When I taught kindergartners the other day, the kids all came up to me at the end of class time and hugged me, like they do their other teacher. I’d taught them once before and they remembered me.

    I also have a fondness for animals. Since we live in suburbia, my daughters don’t get a lot of time around animals other than the domesticated kind, though we have had cats, a dog, an albino rat and a toad as pets. I take them out as much as I can to be around farm animals (we have the county fair, a small dairy farm, and our local arboretum just started a children’s garden, complete with a chicken coop!!! So glad). I’ve recently been meaning to post about it one one of my blogs.

    I’m glad my daughters got the chance to hatch eggs at school and I am going to try and raise tadpoles to toads again this year. We’ll see. It wasn’t easy the first time I did.

    It’s so important to me to let my children know about all kinds of experiences in Nature and with animals. Most of their friends just play video games or outside in their yards. Not enough space nor Nature here, though we do have a lot of ornamental trees, so it is nice in springtime and fall.

    I have photographs of me as a child smiling and I am so glad I do, because, like you, I don’t remember good times much. It’s good to know that even in the face of some pretty harsh experience (aka trauma) children have a resilience that adults find it hard to come by. We can find the pleasures in the moment, and not dwell on the past or worry about the future. I am working on returning to that place again.

    I remember so much just wanting to be happy, just wanting to have fun, and tried so hard to stay out of everybody’s way and not cause trouble. Not that it helped. Trouble managed to find me anyway.

    When I turned 40, I took my husband and daughters to see my real father and my step-mother in Colorado. We took a cross-country train trip to do it. When I was there, I found not only photographs, but letters my sisters wrote and typed to my father and step-mother that prove that once upon a time, they loved them and felt deeply cared for by them. It’s bittersweet to me. It’s good to know that they loved them, but it’s hard for me because I’m the only one who has a relationship with them. My sisters both want nothing to do with him. My dad is a very caring man now, and my step-mother has always been supportive of me.

    Over the years, my mother succeeded in creating Parental Alienation Syndrome in my oldest sister.

    I have strained relationships with my sisters now, but I know because of the pictures, we had fun as children together. My oldest sister hadn’t yet turned into the narcissist my mother groomed her to be. My second oldest sister hadn’t yet turned into the judgmental religious zealot that her husband groomed her to be.

    I’d like that to change, but I still need work on myself. I’m trying to become more nonreactive, because I tend to see all of the little negative little “tells” in the face, tone of voice and demeanor of others that proclaim “I’m upset with you” even as they deny that fact.
    I do not like being acutely aware of people’s negative non-verbal communication. It really has taken a toll on me.

    Anyway…you were so charming as a child.

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