It’s 8:41PM on Monday…

…And I’ve just sent out the last work email of the day. This is going to be a long, long week as far as work goes.

In other news, I received notification this morning that my surgery has finally been paid for by the insurance company, so that’s good. It was questionable whether part of it would be covered, and with the whole thing costing a bit more than $15k, that was a bit concerning.

A week from today I’ll be getting hearing aids. The years of working in factory environments and being around gunfire without ear protection when younger has left me with tinnitus and severe hearing loss in the higher frequencies. On one hand, I’m kind of bummed that at 37, my hearing has gotten bad enough that I need hearing aids. On the other though, man it will be nice to be able to hold a conversation without straining to hear or asking someone to repeat themselves several times. One cool thing – they have bluetooth. I can actually use these with my phone, which is a huge plus.

What else… Depression has gotten pretty bad over the last few days. It’s not constant, but the lows are pretty low. I see the psychiatrist next Monday a couple of hours before the hearing aid fitting. I’m not sure what to tell her.. I don’t want to change the Lamictal or the Lexapro. Both help immensely. We had added Wellbutrin to the mix a month ago at a low dose. I can’t tell if it’s helped or not, so it likely hasn’t. About the only thing I have noticed is that it’s nearly impossible to orgasm, which may sound great at first, but being out of shape, I finally had to give up during sexy time with my wife last. At least the meds didn’t leave me flaccid. Between the two, that would be the more depressing.

I still have insomnia. Tonight I’m knocking myself out chemically. I need sleep in the worst way.

I guess that’s it for now. For the one or two people that read this, I hope you have a good week. I hope I have a good week, too.

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8 thoughts on “It’s 8:41PM on Monday…”

    1. I was on several medications before.. I don’t miss that part of the treatment cocktail. I had gotten a new psychiatrist a couple of years ago and I went down the list of what I was on and he kicks back in his chair and exclaims “Holy hell, man! You’re a walking chemistry set!” Couldn’t have said it better myself. The regimen of medications is brutal. I’m guessing you have to take certain ones at certain times of the day? I’m supposed to, but I basically end up taking some first thing in the morning, then the rest at night. Finding a consistent time in the middle of the day is impossible for me. Just keeping everything filled used to be a chore, not to mention the couple of hundred dollars every month in copayments. I feel for you… Are you at least making progress with the recovery? Setbacks can be so draining and demoralizing.. I fear that if I get into a severely depressed state that it will effect my job performance. If I start to slip or make mistakes, it would very likely cost me my job. Memory and concentration seem to the the first things that go. :/

  1. I am sorry you are having lows, me too. Regarding hour hearing aids, it is very cool you get bluetooth with them lol
    Have a good week, as best you can yourself. 🙂

    1. Sorry to hear that you’re having lows, too. It’s kind of a bitter-sweet thing.. On one hand, you know that someone else knows how it feels, which is comforting, but on the other, you wish no one knew what it was like.

      Looking forward to the bluetooth. I’ll probably keep screening calls at work and listen to music for awhile during the day. It’s hard to understand some lyrics without cranking the volume. Cranking the volume only adds to the hearing problems, so basically, I listen to very little music with vocals anymore. That’ll be pretty cool.

      My travel for the week got all screwed up this morning. I was to go outside of Cincinnati for the day today (which I did), stay the night there, spend the day about 2 hours East of Cinci tomorrow, then cut over to Columbus, OH that night, spend the day in Columbus Thursday, get home at some ungodly hour that night, then off to Grand Rapids, MI on Friday. Tomorrow I’m now somewhat close to home (about 3 hours on the road total, round trip), Thursday is sill in Columbus, and Friday is still in Grand Rapids unless some of our techs can figure out what’s going on with some equipment. I’m not feeling too confident on that last one, so I’m planning on being out there on Friday. All this adds about an extra 12 hours of driving time this week that wasn’t planned.

      The upside of all that? I’ll actually see my wife tomorrow night after work. We wouldn’t have seen each other since yesterday morning otherwise until Saturday when she got home from work. 🙂

  2. I’m on lamictal and it was life changing for me. I’m actually getting the formula in tattoo form on my calf in the coming weeks. I’m so sorry to hear about the sex thing though. That’s one of the things people often overlook or ignore when they are dealing with people with mental illness. We can be so…. frustrated…

    1. Lamictal quite literally saved my life. I’d been on so many other medications, all being effective for a a few days to a few weeks, then the effect wearing off. It was only after going inpatient for the only time that I’ve gotten to the point that I couldn’t hold out any longer that I got a new psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar II.

      Luckily I’ve not had too many sexual side effects with medications.. SSRI’s lend to make me last longer (which is good, considering I need something to help in that department). Paxil made me lose all interest in sex, but kind of worked as an antidepressant. I seem to be all over the place right now. It’s unsettling, to say the least. Some of it is pure physical exhaustion if I were to guess. With the work travel time included, I’ve been pushing 60-80 hour weeks since around August of last year. I’m just..tired all the damn time. Next week I’m actually going to be home, sleeping in my own bed every night for a week; how novel is that?

    2. Side note – just looked at your profile pic. You’ve a striking resemblance to my ex wife. That’s not good nor bad, just made me do a double-take. 🙂

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