I had my first official annual review for my job today. Apparently I’m very good at what I do. I’ve always done very well in past jobs, but I’ve rarely had a manager that noticed.

Earlier in the day I started to work out details for a healthcare company that needs a ton of infrastructure integration. This project will likely take me several weeks to complete, but it’s exactly the type of thing I do well with. It’s massive amounts of data, several different custom and otherwise proprietary systems, all of which need to be tied in together with redundancy and the data being set up in a way that it can be utilized in different ways moving forward. Herding cats comes to mind.

I mention all that because the undertaking is huge. It involves a lot of people, a ton of analysis and the ability to build the solution mentally, then tie all of it together, do the actual programming, coordinate resources at the client company, within my own company, balance my own time with other demands and manage the whole project on a timeline and within budget. That usually would require several people and weeks, if not months of planning for this. This is the upside of bipolar. Hyperfocus mixed with the burst of energy and the energy to get it done while managing everything else. Maybe this is why I’ve not been sleeping much lately. Maybe the timing is just fortunate. Whatever the case may be, I’m going to kick ass on this one. It’s good for that hypomanic energy to have a good outlet. With this though, comes the sharp spikes of depression every so often throughout the day..

I think this is where people that have bipolar are faced with a lot of difficulty when it comes to staying compliant with their medication and treatment. It’s so tempting to stop taking the meds and riding out that high. I won’t, but it’s damn tempting. If only for awhile, you feel like yourself again.


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