Finally home again.. It was storming here tonight. The rain was pouring so hard on the highway that I had to pull over with the rest of the cars and trucks until it let up enough to go again in relative safety.
I’m sitting here on my own couch again, the cat and dog nearby because they missed me, or I give them food and they are sucking up. Maybe both; who knows.. I feel that deep horrible depression starting to set in. It always happens like this – it hits hard and fast with me. I felt somewhat OK earlier, but at this moment, I’m far from ok.. I don’t know what to do with this. If it gets bad again I’ll still be able to function, but will feel dead inside. I wonder how long this will last.. Maybe tomorrow will be ok. Maybe next week. Maybe next month.. Next year.. It’s gone for more than two years at times. Each time it’s harder to come back, and each time a little more of me is lost in it. I already feel like a shell of whomever I used to be.. It’s such a distant memory that it’s hard to even see at this point.
Enough rambling for now. I’ve work to finish up, then I’ll attempt to sleep again.
I really hope this hellish feeling is gone in the morning. I wish my wife weren’t working tonight. It’d be nice to not be alone right about now.