My Story, Part 5

With the gap growing between my wife and I and my seeking support online, I made fast friends with a few people on the support channels that I frequented. This is where I’d meet whom would become my best friend over the coming months. Her name was Dee. Continue reading My Story, Part 5

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Derailed

I have part 5 of my ‘My Story’ series written. I was going to skim it for edits and post it, but I got a notification on my phone that my medical records had been updated this evening. The health insurance carrier that I have has a portal where you can use an app on your phone to make appointments, pay any balances, email your doctors and look at test results. I had a rather extensive set of blood tests done Friday morning, more as a precaution than anything. I was getting set up with a new doctor and she wanted current data on my overall health. To make a long story short, my liver is in bad shape. Likely my kidneys as well. I’m not saying this for dramatic effect – this isn’t good. At all. I’ll be calling the doctor tomorrow to get whatever specialist appointment expedited and see if I need to fly home early this week.

Still alive, of sorts

So, here I sit at a client site waiting for some necessary paperwork to be able to finish up my installation here. I’ve been waiting for the better part of 3 hours and have called about 12 people to get this info with no luck. The IT staff that I’ve been sharing space with just went for lunch, so I have a moment to update my blog.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve not been doing well at all. Work stress is a major contributor, or in technical terms as it relates to Bipolar, it’s triggering me. Regardless, I’ve wracked my brain to find a way to come up with some balance that has me home more along the lines of what I had signed up for with travel (40-50%) rather than the usual 70-75%. Aside from being away, it’s also draining. Long days, long layovers in the airport, constant flight delays and cancellations, etc. What I’ve decided to do is be gone 4 days every other week. Red eye it out at 6:00am from the airport near me (30 minute drive from home), which means I need to leave my house no later than 5:00am, be clean shaven, business dress and all of my stuff needed for such trips. Do a half day the first day in the city that the staff gives me the most problems, then a full day with them on Tuesday. Tuesday night, fly out late getting into Pittsburgh at midnight, provided things run on time, get settled into my hotel room around 1:00am, catch a little sleep and be at the office or customer location at 9:00am. Another full day in Pittsburgh, then fly home arriving at midnight (again, if everything runs on time), get up and be at my office (40 minute drive) or a client location that’s anywhere from 30 minutes away to 2 1/2 hours. That’s going to be my life every other week starting August 10th. Next week I’m Pittsburgh all week, then Ohio the next after a full day of cardio examination, then New York for 3 days, followed by 4 days off. I swear.. I need some amphetamines just to get through each day..

Anyway, working with the psychiatrist on the not doing so great part. She’s started me on some med called Latuda, that I’ve never heard of, but 3 days in, it might be working. I only feel really shitty today, which is an upgrade from the last couple days. So, that’s it, in a nutshell.

I’ve been in a real bad place lately. That’s part of why I’ve not been posting. I can’t seem to find the words. My psychiatrist and I are changing up my medications again in an attempt to find something that works. At this moment, tonight, it’s not working. Time to knock myself out with my nightly chemical cocktail. May tomorrow be a better day.