Introversion sucks sometimes

I’ve mentioned before that I travel a lot for work. As such, I spend a lot of time in airport terminals, airport restaurants, hotel restaurants and other places where travelers gather. I don’t know what it is about me, but some of the most interesting people talk with me. Interesting isn’t always a good thing, mind you. I get that everyone needs company and someone to talk to, but there are people with a rather loose grasp of reality out there. I know how judgmental that sounds.. I’m imagining me in a hypo-manic state or a deep state of depression and I know I certainly have my own way of seeing things at both ends of the spectrum that not everyone is willing to jump on board with, nor should they.

I’ve been feeling rather drained lately and wanting to be anti-social. I’m so anti-social that I’ve not even been keeping up this blog, returning phone calls only when necessary, such as someone having major surgery or something and overall just avoiding any and all social situations. The only time I spend outside of the necessary locations and interactions with people that my job requires is with my wife, which I’m quite content with. We’re both pod people. If we do venture out, it’s always just the two of us doing whatever together. Always isn’t an exaggeration. Next weekend we’ll likely head up north to see the fall colors. There’s a Halloween gathering at the end of the month with a circle of friends I’ve had for over 20 years that I’m planning on ducking out on.

Anyway, back to airport people. As much as I’m trying to just avoid people, the travelers of questionable sanity seem to come out of nowhere. And you’re trapped there, in the terminal with nothing but time. I even have headphones in, even if there’s no sound, looking down at my phone or laptop and having headphones on should clearly communicate that I’m not interested in discussing anything. That doesn’t seem to help, though.. If I only have my hearing aids in, I claim to be having trouble hearing them in hopes that it will end the conversation. Sometimes that works, at least. I’ve never been good at, nor had interest in, small talk. I just don’t see the point. I couldn’t care less about sports, talking about celebrities, the weather, the inevitable delays of US Airways or have debates about religion, abortion, gun control or politics. The latter of those will only further entrench both of us. I’m ashamed that I fall into a polarized category, but as with most others, I simply can’t agree with certain things, therefore there’s no changing my mind about it unless serious change happens. See? I’ve already started an adversarial tangent..

We’re flying to see the in laws at Thanksgiving. I’ll admit it, I’m not a fan of them. At all. There’s a history there that predates me and more after I was part of the picture. It’s said by some that you don’t just marry someone, you marry their family, too. I love my wife dearly. I’d go through hell with/for her. The last year in particular has been especially stressful with that relationship as they contact my wife not just asking for money, but demanding it, then getting really, really horrible toward my wife when she says no. I’m indifferent about the money part. I help my mother sometimes, though for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out why. Even my resentment has its limits it seems. It’s more that I see giving them money as a futile and never-ending process. We’ve sent it before and it’s been pissed away. Priorities… I could go on about this, but that’s the gist of it. So, yeah.. Between the flights and the rental car, there’s a grand for something that I’d rather have another vasectomy than be visiting for a few days.

I think I should work in a lab somewhere.. Maybe as a pathologist assistant or something. That mixed with grocery delivery and, social contact could remain at a minimal and comfortable level.


One thought on “Introversion sucks sometimes”

  1. Introversion does suck sometimes. Why can’t I be more energized by being in a crowd? Why can’t I be the life of the party??? That’s probably more my Anxiety talking rather than just Introversion…

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