This was written a couple of weeks ago, but I just realized it was in drafts. So, here’s the post with alterations to fit where things are currently.
Last month my wife and I went if for our final attempt at IUI. It was unsuccessful, so we now need to decide what our next steps are, if any. I’d write more on that, but at the moment there are just too many unknowns. We’re both extremely disappointed to say the least.
The job situation has actually remained stable, though I’m picking up some distance with myself and my manager. I’ve put him in a tough spot, so I kind of expect as much. For now they’re honoring the travel every other week, but it’s not sustainable long-term. I’m still looking locally to see what’s out there. If the right thing comes up, I’ll pursue it.
Weight loss continues. As of today I’m 195lb. I’ve not been this low in the better part of 18-20 years. I don’t have a specific goal weight or anything, just mainly a goal of eliminating the gut which is the most common thing with heart disease. It is nice to fit into normal clothes again though. Not so cool that I need to buy all new clothes. A belt can only do so much when going from a 30-40″ waistline to a 32″. My shirts fit like tents now. 45lb so far. Yay me.
At the very beginning of April I started exercising 5-6 days/week, once per day for ~30 minutes. Exercise has consisted almost entirely of running on an elliptical while keeping my heart rate up in the 150-165 range for 20-25 minutes of the workout. As my overall endurance increases I’m just moving faster, but maintaining the heart rate. Here’s what’s changed since starting that:
- Sleeping better at night. Sleep medications are still necessary some nights, but need for them has reduced by 50-60%.
- Waking feeling a little more energized.
- I’ve stopped having anxiety attacks.
- I no longer come close to having anxiety attacks even when faced with direct triggers.
- I rarely have suicidal thoughts or imagery. The imagery has been intrusive for the majority of my life. This is the first time they’ve not been present this consistently.
- I feel better than neutral most days.
- I feel a sense of well-being about 1/3-1/2 the time as opposed to simply not feeling it at all for years.
- People have noticed and commented that I look like I’m feeling better than some have ever seen me. Not just physically, but they notice I smile and look relaxed.
- Since stopping the blood pressure medication I no longer have trouble getting or keeping an erection (I mention this in case this is a problem for someone else and like myself, their doctor failed to mention this as a possibility. It was a nice surprise when literally 36 hours later things worked better than they had in years).
- I actually have a sex drive again.
- I actually feel like going out and doing things.
- I’ve dropped Xanax, Klonopin, Adderall and Rexulti from my daily and as-needed medications.
- I’ve started catching up on things I’ve neglected for a long, long time.