After a long and mostly sleepless night, I’ve been cleared by the cardiologist to go home. I’ve been waiting to be discharged for a short while now. One would think that such a thing would give one pause to contemplate many things in their lives. I’ve had far worse medical moments than this and usually did give a lot of thought to how I was living my life each time. That didn’t happen this time. I’m happy with how I’m living my life and I don’t find myself dwelling on the should have and could have things that I think haunts us all at some point. My only concern right now is getting this IV out, putting on some clothes and going home to resume my plan for last night: Talk with my wife some, laugh a lot (we always laugh a lot when we talk, even when it’s serious), then cuddle up and sleep for a few hours. I spoke with her a short while ago and she may have slept less than me last night. We’re both exhausted.. And hungry.. Food needs to be a part of this somewhere between here and home. Anyway – if you are one of the people that happens to read my ramblings here, I hope today finds you well. Be good to each other – it really can all change in the blink of an eye. If you love someone – tell them. I’ve learned first-hand that you sometimes don’t get another opportunity to do so.
I’ve spent far too many days and evenings over the course of the last year in examination rooms and rooms for diagnostic imaging. This visit is now over. It’s the usual story. Something shows up in a test, an appointment with a specialist is made, more tests are run… Something of significance is there, but rarely anything conclusive. This was another visit where we will treat the symptoms because we don’t fully understand all that is going on. Watch for any changes, then go back if they get worse. These little adventures in diagnostic medicine are often a result of something completely unrelated to the initial reason for the visit. I generally feel pretty well. I’m tempted to just walk away from all of this testing. If things do get worse, we can take things from there.
I’ve been fortunate over the last week. Very fortunate, actually. I’ve made not one, but two substantive friends. One of which I’ve made as result of blogging here, thereby making the effort here very worthwhile, the other through a friend whom I’ve not seen in over two years. I don’t believe in fate driving things, or some other spiritual or cosmic force causing things to happen. I know I’m in the minority with that notion. Regardless, I’m very happy that our paths crossed by whatever chance or forces that may be. I’m truly fortunate to have met and befriended such a diverse number of people in my life and I’ve never once thought to myself that I’ve simply too many friends. 🙂
As far as faith and spirituality, as a side note, I’m not completely firm in that stance. The older I get, the more my opinions and views change on so many things. This is but one I’ll be willing to accept if things seem to point clearly in that direction.
Anyway, I hope for the very few that follow my blog or come to find it in some way that your weekend was good. Mine has been exceptional so far. It’s a shame that my wife has to work tonight. The only sounds I hear right now is the dog lightly snoring and the breeze in the trees. Once I get a few things taken care of, I think I’ll put some music on quietly, lay down and just listen to the breeze and remember some good times spent in the woods and forests back west.
I don’t have many photos of me growing up, but there are a few. I seem to be smiling in a lot of them, and I even vaguely remember some of them being taken. I’m having good memories today, so I thought I’d share one. When my brothers and I were growing up we lived out in the country and had 20 acres, mostly wooded. Our neighbors weren’t all that close to us, so we were pretty well isolated from everyone else. My bothers and I were typical country kids. We loved spending time in the woods, riding ATV’s, shooting guns, fishing, campfires, looking at the stars and playing with any number of farm animals, dogs and wild cats that we had on our property. I remember that I used to put on my father’s boots and walk around outside when there was snow on the ground or when it was muddy from heavy rain. I loved the farm animals. I don’t remember this photo being taken, but I do remember playing with the chicks when they were very young as well as the new kittens when they were born. I do have some fond memories here and there, I just have to dig to get to them sometimes. 🙂
I’m sleep deprived this week. As I hit the snooze button for the third time I wondered what it would be like if we were like dolphins which as I understand it, shut down one hemisphere of their brain while at rest. I know we couldn’t realistically do this because of many reasons, but that aside, would you prefer to be able to shut off your left brain or right for a few hours per day? I would. Just to be able to embrace creativity and emotion for a few hours without all of the chatter of reasoning, or shut off the left and get some things done that feelings get in the way of.. If there wasn’t a biological need for actual sleep, there may be enough hours in the day to feel like I’m not neglecting some part of my own needs or desires. It’s totally impractical for a number of reasons, but it’s a nice thought. What would you do if you could do this? What would your day look like?
Some nights I am too tired to stay up until my wife gets home from work I am on the 7:30-4:00 shift plus a half hour each way. I leave at around 6:15 in the morning giving myself a little time to pick up something to eat and to give myself extra time in case of an accident on the highway. My wife works 3:00-11:30. She’s a wife on a unit for incredibly ill patients at a nearby hospital. She gets home at around 12:30am. We usually talk for a half hour to an hour. We are married and actually enjoy the company of the other (something rare, so we’ve been told).
She told me that tonight on her way home that a young kid was driving very fast through the city she drives through to get home every night. So fast that if he had hit her by t-boning her that she’d be dead along with the passenger in his car. She stopped within inches of him hitting her. She said he had to have run the light (long after it would have been red) doing at least 55-60 miles per hour. I know this intersection as I drive through it every morning and his speed would be totally possible through there. She caught up to him to tell him off and he flipped her off. It shook her up pretty bad. She’s been hit and threatened by patients. That’s always a concern, too. It scares me that instead of waking to her being visibly upset it could have been that terrible call or a knock at my door from the police. She doesn’t scare or get shaken easily. She’s not one to embellish. I’m so, so glad she’s ok…. Life can change or end in an instant. I’m glad that wasn’t the case tonight.
I love you, C.